New Protection Secretary Commits to Remodeling Armed Forces Into ‘Woke’ Navy

*Be aware: The next is satire and never meant to be taken actually.

Lower than a couple of weeks into his presidency, the Biden administration is already placing some thrilling adjustments in place. Members of his cupboard are exhausting at work placing insurance policies into place that may assist the nation prosper.

Biden’s newly-anointed Secretary of Protection, Lloyd Austin, is already set on bringing constructive adjustments to the army, which introduced on Wednesday that it might be pausing common exercise throughout the subsequent 60 days to deal with the problem of white nationalism and extremism. So as to make the progressive wing pleased they’re permitting members of the Marxist crowd to outline what constitutes being a “white nationalist” or “extremist,” which signifies that our combating forces are about to undergo some fairly dramatic adjustments.

To place it merely the US army would be the most woke armed power in your entire world.

Pentagon spokesman John Kir stated that the protection secretary gave the order after it was revealed that former members of the army participated within the assault on the U.S. Capitol constructing. “He and Uncle Joe realized that this riot gave us the proper alternative to purge individuals with problematic political opinions,” he stated, acknowledging that their definition of “white nationalist” is actually anybody with non-progressive views.

Navy management additionally confirmed that they’re in talks with Twitter’s censorship brigade to realize perception on how they will execute a purge of servicemembers just like what the social media firm did with conservative accounts shortly after the riots. However eradicating conservative troopers is just step one.

One other spokesman stated that the character of army operations will expertise a drastic revamp, indicating that drone strikes is likely to be dealt with otherwise. “As a substitute of dropping bombs on terrorists within the Center East, we are going to drop copies of Robin DeAngelo’s ‘White Fragility,’” he defined. “These books will assist these misguided souls see that America now understands the error of its methods and the way whiteness has triggered all of their woes.”

Fundamental coaching may also see some important adjustments. New recruits will nonetheless discover ways to kill America’s enemies; they may also be educated to advertise social justice worldwide. These servicemembers received’t simply combat to defend the nation and its allies, they may also discover ways to eradicate homophobia, racism, Islamophobia, and each different kind of bigotry.

In between fight coaching workout routines, recruits may have every day three-hour-long seminars on teamwork, intersectionality, and Vital Race Idea. Much more, the servicemembers won’t solely discover ways to kill the enemy, they may also discover ways to keep away from participating in poisonous masculinity. “Simply because our troopers may very well be concerned in lethal fight the place they need to slaughter brown individuals doesn’t imply they will’t be extra in contact with their feelings whereas doing so,” stated a supply accustomed to the brand new adjustments.

In a seeming repudiation of President Harry Truman, army management is implementing a type of “restricted segregation” to offer minority troopers protected areas wherein they will escape their melanin-challenged compatriots for a couple of hours. “Minorities having to be round white individuals on a regular basis is a obvious instance of white supremacy that isn’t talked about sufficient,” in accordance with a memo despatched to different army leaders.

Below the Biden administration, America’s army is poised to make some wonderful strides in the direction of inclusion and variety. It’s not sufficient to have a army freed from racists; the nation wants a totally anti-racist army. When the transformation is full, the US may have a mighty armed forces equipment that the remainder of the world will giggle at admire. We are able to rating one other victory for the Biden administration.

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